Maybe It's Time...

i noe it might be a lil' late to say this, but maybe it's time for me to concentrate and catch up on my studies.. my mind has been wandering ard for the past few months, and im nv able to stay focused for long.. and now, signs are showing tt i haf absolutely no idea wat i've been studyin so far! boy i shd haf known sooner! just like last weekend, i was revising thru my managerial econs, and almost 80% of wat i read appeared foreign to me.. and seriously, it shdnt be this way, esp so when exams are so near! im getting REALLY worried now.. i noe, i noe... getting worried wun help a wee bit, taking action does rite? u see, most pple do things knowingly, and im one of those ppl.. i noe i shd be doing A, but somehow or someway, i end up doing B... and after getting screwed by doing B, i lament and regret not doing A in the first place.. do u noe wat im toking abt here? well, as wat my bro will say, zou ji mou hut yi (there wun be beggers if they've known sooner) how true..

ok, TXYC, u can stop reading from here onwards. =p

anyways, just the other day, i was toking to mudpie abt how irrational i'll become when toking to him, or dealing with sth tt concerns him.. i had to admit its kinda scary, the things i do and the way i behave.. i mean i noe im not like tt normally, but y so when the issue concerns him?? does being in a relationship, or LDR for tt matter, make a person so? i dun remember behaving in tt horrific way when he's still in spore, or at least not to this extent.. or could it be a lack of self control? losing my head and letting my emotions run amok when i shd be thinking with my head and BE rational. ya.. maybe tt is it? but then again, could suppressing my feelings, trying to be normal and cool really help? i tried tt once before, and the ending wasnt really amiable.. and i seriously dun wish for it to happen again, not to us.. it scares me to no end that this will continue if i dun find a solution to this lil' problem of mine.. yes, im scared although he doesnt seem to notice or try to help.. and if u ask me, yes, u dun seem to give a damn..

ok, THAT, is yet another problem - my lack of trust and constant screwing of my mind with funny and out of the world hypothesis.. sth is seriously wrong here, and i cun exactly pin point it.. is it just an inherent characteristic of mine or is it him? the lil' things tt he say and do (and didnt say and do), and me reading too deeply into his words and actions (and lack of).. ya, i noe, exercising self control and rationality again.. i noe... and seriously, i dunno why i put so much emphasis on this recently.. i really shd take a break from this and do sth more meaningful, divert my attention to sth or someone else... cos i cun help but feel tt this is a complete waste of time cos he dun appreciate nor try to understand.. all of a sudden i miss being the bo chap me back then (instead of this emotional wreck now) how i could care less abt everything else and actually be happy.. sighzz... i think i shd work on reviving tt part of me..

yah, i will.