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:'(

i am officially $4,252.50 poorer now! *wails*

all tt mths of slogging, scrimping and eating leftovers (ok, i was exaggerating on tt last bit) have been reduced to a cold "Thank You" from SIM for paying my course fee online. W-T-F. y do they only take citibank and OCBC credit cards?? y issit so bloody difficult to process a request for permanent increase in credit limit?? y do they haf to charge reinstatement fees for paying late?? (isnt it always better late than NEVER?!) and cun the world be more pragmatic??? WHY??!! and just becos of these bull on rules and regulations, my bank account is instantly diminished of $4,252.50 upon a click of a button! A BUTTON! *wails*

I HATE SIM!

~~0~~

i was at a wake yesterday nite. somehow, i found it extremely awkward walking into the void deck alone. fortunately i spotted mum somewhere and walked over to her immediately. it was weird to see my cousins and relatives, and even weirder to see my bro in-law and sis together with nicole. i was like, who's tt guy wif my sis? he suddenly seemed so tired and old. sigh. i guess tts how most ppl are in such trying times.

feeling out of place, i busied myself with folding the paper ingots. all of a sudden, i remembered telling myself how ugly my paper cranes are and how i couldnt even fold a paper crane nicely. i remembered asking myself constantly, "wat am i doing here?" while folding the cranes. i recalled the pain of seeing tt familiar face being reduced to a mere photo forever. i remembered tt excruciating pain of standing beside tt wooden thing and talking to her while trying to fight back the tears but bursting out eventually. i remembered a nice ns officer asking if i was alright. i recalled seeing the panic in my friends' faces when they tot i had gone missing when i was in the toilet. i remembered tt stranger bringing me to tt wooden thing and promising her tt he will take care of me (forever?). i remembered believing in tt promise cos who could lie to her? i remembered hating myself for being borned in january and missing tt last walk with her. i recalled sitting at the void deck of another blk alone, writing her my tots for the first time and reprimanding myself for realising too late.

i remember so much.

is there any way to stop remembering? Please?