Angels and Men

He linked his arms through hers again and they began to walk back to the vicarage. Suddenly he stopped. 'Is this where your sister's buried?' For a moment she almost denied it. 'Show me.' She continued to hang back. 'Please, Mara.' She had never heard him ask like this before, and she turned and led him in the direction of the new graves. It was just getting dark, and the white headstone seemed to gleam in the dusk. They stood in silence, and she dreaded some disparaging coment on the words. He spoke:

'I can but trust that good shall fall. At last - far off - at last, to all. And every winter change to spring.'

She felt herself starting to cry at the bitterness in his tone. 'Oh, can't we drop the clever quotes just for once?'
'Have you read In Memoriam?'
'Stop trusting Tennyson down my throat!' she burst out. 'Don't tell me what to read. It won't help. Nothing does.'
'Oh, I don't know. A bit of poetry, a bit of music, a bit of whisky. They all help a little.'

'Well, you've managed. You've managed to make me cry,' she sobbed and stumbled off between the graves. He caught up with her, putting an arm round her shoulders. She was too miserable to thrust him away. The blackbird began whistling from the church roof again. Their feet sounded on the road. After a moment he spoke:

'When I was seventeen, my best friend was killed in a car crash.' Shock ran through her. His tone was so casual. 'Pissed out of his skull and not wearing seat-belt. He hit a lorry head-on and was killed instantly. Stupid bastard.' Mara glanced at him. At that moment the village street lamp came on, casting light across his face, and she thought, This is what grief looks like so many years on. Does it never fade? She felt fresh tears falling, this time for him and his loss, and slid her arm round his waist. For a second his grip tightened. They walked back in silence to the vicarage.

tt almost made me teared on my way to work this gloomy morning.. Does it never fade?

i saved a cat today

i saved a cat today...

...or indirectly sending it to its maker sooner than it would like... but looking at it optimistically, i would think tt i saved it lah.. kekeke..

come to think of it, it all seems destined tt i was to be its rescuer.. okok, i noe i shd stop emphasising so much on wat a good samaritan i've been.. well, u see, i took the afternoon off and went back early to prepare for mum's bday celebration.. so over lunch, she was telling me tt this morning, she saw a "dead" cat near the carpark, in blood and its own poo and piss.. must have been quite an awful sight and i thank my lucky stars tt i didnt chance upon it on my way to work.. would haf spoilt my day totally..

this remind me of the other time when i saw a dead cat in a canal and wat came to mind immediately was some sicko abusing the poor cat and dumping it away like a used condom.. tt made me quite sick in the stomach.. and it seems like dead animals have a penchant for yours truly cos i recalled that back in poly, i keep seeing dead animals by the roadside.. and u noe wat, the most interesting part of it all is pointing it out to a particular fren who's quite an animal lover, and secretly enjoying tt squirming look on her face.. muahahaha~

back to my main point - mum suspected tt the cat was most probably thrown down the blk by some mentally deranged kid.. (hmmm.. nv knew how alike me and my mum are!) and despaired abt how kids or ppl in general are becoming so cruel.. couldnt resist the temptation to remind her tt she ever tried to shoo a cat away by splashing water on it... but tt was a long time ago, when she was still stressed out with work and having errant offsprings at home.. now, probably just an errant grandkid..

oh my, haf i been digressing again? age must be catching up with me, old pple love to reminscence.. well well, to cut the whole thing short, mum went out for a short while when nicole and i were napping.. and when she came back, she told me excitedly that the cat was still alive! and someone must haf shifted it from its initial (final) resting place to our void deck, rite in front of the lift. its a miracle tt the poor thing was still alive (imagine being injured and sick from early morning till late noon!) and incredulous that no one did anything to help! i guess usually i'll just let it pass, but this time i picked up the phone and called SPCA.. the operator told me to go and take a look at the cat to make sure its still alive and check whether its able to move.. so i did and saw the cat for the first time.. there, lying lifelessly on the floor with ants scurrying around was a ginger cat.. i walked yet closer to see if it will dart up and run.. but it obviously didnt, the poor dear couldnt even open its eyes! but yes, it was still breathing. i made another call to report wat i saw and gave them the cat's location and wat kind of help it will get.. sadly, i was told tt it will be put to slp if its beyond cure.. and while on the phone, the strangest thing happened. the cat opened it eyes and gazed at me gratefully as if it noes tt help is coming soon.. if u ask me, i tot tt was pretty scary.. i kept watch over the cat while waiting for help to come.. u noe, just in case another deranged kid comes along to add further pain to it.. the 1 hr wait was painful, for the cat and myself.. wat if the deranged kid comes to life, am i able to protect it from harm? and wat if it stopped breathing, wat will i do? i cun do resuscitation. so many wat ifs..

i practically jumped for joy when i saw someone walking over with a cage in hand. and oooh, the guy who came was cute! see, it definitely pays to be kind! wahahahaha~ but it wasnt time to appreciate his cuteness, cos the cat was protesting in pain when the guy tried to lift it into the cage but eventually it quieten down and was taken away to a haven (or hell)

went back home and told mum abt it and she seemed pleased that the cat is now safe. seeing that softer side of her, i asked the unquestionable and immediately regretted it.

so, u think i could keep the cat if it recovers?" i asked hopefully.

"well, then i guess u'll haf to call SPCA again. this time to report a cat being thrown off the blk." she deadpan.

o-p-p-s.

Seasons of Life

Something to ponder over...

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.


The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.

The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.

The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.

The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.

Lessons:
Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.
Don't judge life by one difficult season.
Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

Broken

My comb broke... Can someone get me a new one please?

I Think....

I think... my upper lip is getting swollen becos of tt fat ass, 0.3cm wide ULCER i haf..

I think... im gg to develope a sore throat soon...

I think... will's writing is getting bit dull... =(

I think... im reading too much gay blogs.. i had a dream abt meeting ken in KL and asking him about will... (ya, i even asked to take a photo wif him!! and YC was the good ol' photographer LOL)

I think... my manager is the devil in disguise...

I think... im gg to grow my hair long... and chop it up again after...

I think... im in need of a hair treatment... bloody broke my comb the other day while combing my hair...

I think... today's socio lecture will be hellish...

I think... im gg to be slaughtered by Karl Marx and Max Weber on 10 may...

I think... Daniel Bedingfield is the best singer ever... listen to "If You're Not The One" to understand...

I think... little Nicole will grow up to be a real terror... really...

I think... mudpie's slurpilicious cousin resembles tt hearttrob in Da Chang Jin.. 'cept tt he doesnt haf a beard...

I think... im gg to haf the tempura set for dinner later... yums!

I think... i havnt been studying particularly hard...

I think... i really shdnt be taking a break to blog...

I think... i shd really stop writing now...

Post- Exams

so my last paper was on sat. judging from the amount of time i took to study the subject, i dun think i'll do too well. but at least i managed to write 7 pages. and frankly, im quite awestruck by the fact tt i could actually cough out enough info to ans 3 essay qns. but then whether the info is relevant is another matter lah :p and i noe it sounds kinda wrong, but my main motive of writing past 5 pages is for it to get marked instead of writing enough to do well for the subject. ya, im quite misleaded in a certain sense, but its just the mocks rite? ok, not gonna find anymore excuses for myself. but im really glad that SIM conducts mock exams for us students, cos i'd haf just died knowing im gonna sit for my final exams with my limited knowledge then. so its really like a wake up call for me, to put it mildly. hahaha.. and for the very first time in my quest for knowledge (and tt cert of cos), im gonna draw up a timetable for my revision and stick to it. so pple, please do me a favour and ask me for tt timetable in the near future.. just to make sure i get it done.. kekeke..

oh ya, i went down to taka last sun with mum and sis and little nicole as well. and could someone remind me never, ever go shopping with these two again? hassle, hassle, hassle! bah! rather stay at home and study my econs... ok.. maybe not.. but if it weren't for my fav hokkien mee at toa payoh market, i would haf never woken up at 9am on a sunday morning, wouldnt haf followed them down to taka in my "market wear" (!!), wouldnt haf spent unnecessary moolah on unnecessary stuff.. but then i wouldnt haf saw this, which was really the highlight of the day besides my hokkien mee..

can someone tell me wat the hell is a door doing in the middle of nowhere? i was quite tempted to open it, maybe it'll bring me to the other side...

...of the door...

wahahahaha~ not much of an imagination huh?

anyways, my poor kok kok has another big hole!

i am SO upset! had asked my mum to help me fix it back.. but seems like she wun have much time now. she'll be taking care of little nicole for the next 2 months or so cos the nanny taking care of her got hospitalised. but i guess my mum's a happy granny now. =D

Jason Mraz

geek in the pink...

*drools*

i rike :)

Exams are O-V-E-R!

yeah.. exams are finally over!!

errmm, np's exams to be exact.. mine ah, still got another week more =(

but im still glad tt np's exams are over! gah.. hate waking up early for my duty.. bloody 6am.. hate it hate it hate it!! and i think im getting fat, cos i've been having breakfast every morning for the past week cos i usually dun take breakfast.. wei wei lah, ask me to go eat breakfast with her.. so now im like having my 3 meals per day, which to me is kinda fat inducing..

anyway, next week will be quite a hellish week for me.. my mocks! seriously, im taking it all easy at the moment cos wat the heck, its just the mocks.. and dun bullshit me by saying u wun if u're in my position!

whoopi, 5pm.. gotta run home for my chen yao jin.. tata! =D

Maybe It's Time...

i noe it might be a lil' late to say this, but maybe it's time for me to concentrate and catch up on my studies.. my mind has been wandering ard for the past few months, and im nv able to stay focused for long.. and now, signs are showing tt i haf absolutely no idea wat i've been studyin so far! boy i shd haf known sooner! just like last weekend, i was revising thru my managerial econs, and almost 80% of wat i read appeared foreign to me.. and seriously, it shdnt be this way, esp so when exams are so near! im getting REALLY worried now.. i noe, i noe... getting worried wun help a wee bit, taking action does rite? u see, most pple do things knowingly, and im one of those ppl.. i noe i shd be doing A, but somehow or someway, i end up doing B... and after getting screwed by doing B, i lament and regret not doing A in the first place.. do u noe wat im toking abt here? well, as wat my bro will say, zou ji mou hut yi (there wun be beggers if they've known sooner) how true..

ok, TXYC, u can stop reading from here onwards. =p

anyways, just the other day, i was toking to mudpie abt how irrational i'll become when toking to him, or dealing with sth tt concerns him.. i had to admit its kinda scary, the things i do and the way i behave.. i mean i noe im not like tt normally, but y so when the issue concerns him?? does being in a relationship, or LDR for tt matter, make a person so? i dun remember behaving in tt horrific way when he's still in spore, or at least not to this extent.. or could it be a lack of self control? losing my head and letting my emotions run amok when i shd be thinking with my head and BE rational. ya.. maybe tt is it? but then again, could suppressing my feelings, trying to be normal and cool really help? i tried tt once before, and the ending wasnt really amiable.. and i seriously dun wish for it to happen again, not to us.. it scares me to no end that this will continue if i dun find a solution to this lil' problem of mine.. yes, im scared although he doesnt seem to notice or try to help.. and if u ask me, yes, u dun seem to give a damn..

ok, THAT, is yet another problem - my lack of trust and constant screwing of my mind with funny and out of the world hypothesis.. sth is seriously wrong here, and i cun exactly pin point it.. is it just an inherent characteristic of mine or is it him? the lil' things tt he say and do (and didnt say and do), and me reading too deeply into his words and actions (and lack of).. ya, i noe, exercising self control and rationality again.. i noe... and seriously, i dunno why i put so much emphasis on this recently.. i really shd take a break from this and do sth more meaningful, divert my attention to sth or someone else... cos i cun help but feel tt this is a complete waste of time cos he dun appreciate nor try to understand.. all of a sudden i miss being the bo chap me back then (instead of this emotional wreck now) how i could care less abt everything else and actually be happy.. sighzz... i think i shd work on reviving tt part of me..

yah, i will.

Happy Vday!

so its valentine's day today (and a long while since i've last blogged, and i've got lots! xmas, bday, CNY..)

this year would be the first tt im celebrating physically apart from my mudpie.. actually we dun really celebrate vday lah.. heck, we dun even celebrate our anniversary! or did we? but seriously, i cun remember any anniversary celebrations lor.. so im taking it tt we didnt.. =p

anyway, i 'handmade' sth for mudpie this vday.. errr.. nothing elaborate, just a powerpoint presentation lor.. but i love it alot! cos its so cute! im hoping he liked it as much as i did... =D here's a snippet of wat i did.. obviously there's more than 5 slides...and mudpie got me sth too! "naughtiness in progress".. naughty indeed! its an uber cute vday greeting card! i noe wat ure thinking, e-card rite? WRONG! it was by snail mail ok?! a physical card, in a red envelope and paid postage ok?? all the way from adelaide hor, dun play play...

so thanks dear! for the card and everything... though it would be more complete with the stamp! ya, apparently, the stamp was missing when i received the card.. dunno if it had dropped or the postman kop my stamp! hmmmph! mudpie said the stamp had a pic of a koala.... so im guessing tt the postman took my stamp cos who could resist a koala??! so angry! but nvm lah, at least the card came in one piece.. kekeke.... and do u noe tt this is the first card i've ever receive from mudpie? unbelievable huh.. there was another card, but tt doesnt count cos nothing was written on it! (the audacity of giving a wordless card!) so dear, u noe wat to do lah? and remember to glue ur stamp properly!

Beautiful Disaster

Beautiful Disaster
by Kelly Clarkson

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right

Oh when I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magical myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
Hold on tight

Oh cuz I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
Oh cuz I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

Almost Here

im typing this as im downloading some stuff from the net... ultra sian.. friday evening and i got nowhere to go and nothing to do (though there's a pile of reading material collecting dust at tt dark corner of my room) and i just realised how slack i am in my studies.. can u imagine, its almost towards the end of my sem and i havnt got down to buying a calculator. how slack is tt?! so there, my new year resolution would most probably be to get a calculator.. or maybe u who's reading now could give it to me as a bday gift! kekekeke...

anyway, i havnt really been updating as u can tell.. just cun get into the mood to write down my daily happenings this past month cos i felt it just defeats the purpose of this blog since tt particular someone is not reading/updating.. so i tot, screw this blog, im not updating anymore. the fact tt im writing this now means i still bear hope, though i cun say i've come to terms with certain things.. and it's actually our anni today, but i guess nothing much to rejoice over..

gah.. watver the above para means.. my downloading has finished.. gtr..but i got to reco this song.. Brian McFadden's duet with Delta Goodrem Almost Here..im addicted to it...

Did I hear you right
'cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
Well I never knew how far behind i'd left you
And when I hold you your almost here
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted
And now I'm with you I'm close to tears
'cause I know I'm almost here
Only almost here

All I Want For Christmas....

Dear Santa,

i have been a pretty good girl this year.. truly i have. well, if i havnt been, i wun be writing to u now, would i? anyway, getting to the main reason of writing this - all i want for christmas this year is my mudpie.. yes father santa, an air ticket to fly my dearest mudpie back from Adelaide!pretty pretty please? i promise i'll brush my teeth twice a day.. ok, make tt thrice! so please grant this simple wish of mine, wouldnt ya? i noe u've got loads of other wishes to grant, but could u like attend to mine first? cos mine is really simple - all i need is a 2-way air ticket for travelling between Adelaide and Spore/KL from 25 Dec - 28 Jan 2006, preferably at a cost of A$900 ++ (incl. taxes) and i'll even pay for it myself.. how simple can tt be?? i noe u'll be reading this, and u'll give watever u haf to grant this simple wish of mine.. ritey? but if all else fail, could you like pick him up and give him a ride on your sleigh and drop him off at Spore/KL, whichever is more convenient?

Thanks a bunch! =)

Love,
Fangz

New Updates!

in case u havnt notice, i haf sth new on my links page! yup, a travelogue to track our trips overseas and photos and photos and photos! oh ya, creating a separate page also ensures tt i dun overload our main site! kekekeke.. so far i've only wrote abt the trip to KL and Adelaide (half done).. there shd be another one on Bintan, but i have totally forgotten abt the experience there.. and we dun haf photos on it too cos mudpie forgot to bring his digicam/charger! sighzz.. so in any case, i really really hope that we could make it far to blog abt our future trips right till our honeymoon.. kekeke... but for now, the top 5 places we'll like to visit are:

1) Japan
2) Taiwan
3) Hong Kong
4) Thailand
5) Australia

so there u haf it.. let's hope i'll get to strike off some of these items on our list.. and ya, i am so missing u dear! hardly get to see u online/emails/sms.. i noe ure terribly busy with plucking apples and studying.. but u still haf to make time to think abt me okie! kekeke... speaking abt plucking apples, mudpie has found a temp job at a farm in Adelaide Hills.. the pay is quite good u noe, A$99 a day! i think he's earning more than me! so jealous!! but then its really hard work working under the summer sun and peeing in the hills with no proper amenities.. so poor thing! here are some of the pics taken via mudpie's hp..

so there.. i had better finish up on the entry abt my trip, or else i'll end up forgetting most of it!

Winged-Less!

omg! where has my funny half-man gone to??!i noe blogger was down for maintenance this morning.. so i had to turn to kennysia as a substitute for my daily dosage of vitamin H.. which was mediocre btw.. so by noon, blogger was up again but this was wat greeted me.. a sea of pink! omg! watever it is, please come back!

Revamped!

Hi dear!!

how d'ya like the new skin?? =)

ok, i was gg to blog abt my trip but decided to do up the skin first.. ya noe, sth significant happened over the weekend rite? *winks* and i have decided to mark it by giving this blog a new look.. sth like a new beginning/a fresh start/watever u may call it.. yaya, very cliche.. but then... i love it so much!!kekeke... ok, to navigate, just click on the dark green alphabets okie?

luv ya,
fangzz

PS: oops, i think u've already figured out the navigation if u haf gotten to this page already!

THE - DAY

for the umpteenth time, i am to announce that i will be flying off tmr.

and it seems kinda unreal now.

am i in a dream?

so yeah, FINALLY, tmr's the day. and you poor things wouldn't have to read another entry on the anticipation/excitement/crazy ramblings on the over-emphasized ADL trip.

but its really sad that after tmr, i would haf nothing to look fwd to when i wake up in the mornings (work is definitely at the bottom of my list)

sighzz.

please dun wake me up. please.

Happ Bday, Dear! Part 2

dear mudpie,

yeah.. it's your bday today! happy 22nd bday dear! love ya lots! muacks! i got u sth(s) but aint telling u yet.. =P

Hitler says "Happy Birthday" to u too!

ok, today's 8 nov.. another 4 more days to go!! kekeke... do u noe how BLARDY EXCITED i am??! im so excited im losing slp every single night for the past week! ya, although im in bed at 11pm, i get to slp like after 1am cos most of the time i just keep thinking abt how wonderful it'll be to see u!! but then again, those instances usually evolve ard the airport, scenes of arriving and departing.. and in both scenarios, i'll be crying my eyes out... pretty heartwrenching.. do u think it'll happen? hmmm... on a somewat unrelated note, dun u think its so coincidental that i have to travel so-so-so-so far to celebrate ur bday? last year it was by land to KL and now its by air to ADL.. wats next??

anyway, my weekend was spent packing my stuff and its pretty much done... got my currency, visa and all the items you requested for are in my luggage... now i just have to throw in my toiletries and im all ready to go! kekeke... but the thing is, i got so many clothes, shoes and bags that i want to bring! as my mum says, quite exaggerating to having matching shoes/bags for my clothes... but me gg to see my bf wat! cannot issit??! *grumbles* nvm.. i'll just accidently bring my green sandals, and my beige sandals, and my nike bag,and my ........

Happy Birthday, Dear!

Austin Scarlett

dear mudpie,

can u believe it?? 10 more days and i'll be seeing u again!! im ecstatic!! ive yet to start packing, but maybe this weekend.. wondering wat i shd bring..

anyway, i was telling you abt this new show on tv - Project Runway. and this is the guy i was telling you abt!

dun u think he look so much like Tom Cruise ala Interview with the Vampire? kekeke.... speaking of tt, i finally manage to get my hands on "The Vampire Lestat" from the lib. Placed a reservation for it for so many bloody weeks and i only got it now! hmmmph! and im like halfway thru the third book already... so poon tin diu rite?? nvm, coming back to my Austin, he won the first challenge with a dress made outa corn husks, isnt he ingenious? needless to say, he's my fav contestant on the show but too bad he didnt emerge the winner.. sighzz... and ya, i just realised i'll be missing 2 episodes cos i'll be with u in adl =( but dun worry, ure more impt than some tv show... kekeke...

yesterday nite, i had a heck of a nitemare... it was quite mou lei tao (it seems all my dreams are mou lei tao) but this particular one was scary.. cos in it, i was attacked by a creature... it was brown and white and HUGE and looked pretty much like a gorilla/ape/monkey.. couldnt remember much details but the creature managed to grab hold of me and i swear it was gonna gnaw my limbs off! it was horrible! in the end, i somehow managed to escape from its clutches.. and my dream ended with me going home on the wrong bus... so mou lei tao rite?! and for this very weird dream, i did a search this morning to help decipher it... and these are the results... quite disturbing, if you ask me..

Search for "Attack"
Always be careful for a period of time (several weeks) after such a dream because it is a warning. If the attacker in your dream is an animal, watch out for that type of animal, but also notice how some people act like animals. If you dream that you have attacked someone, that is also a warning that your ill mood or temper fits may cause you to harm another and bring chaos down on your head. If you are attacked by someone you know you may have to withstand an attack on your character and defend your honor, so to speak. If you are attacked by an animal, be very careful of walking the dark streets or putting your self in the places where you could possibly be attacked by a mugger, etc.. If you dream that you repel your attacker then you will meet with success in your current endeavor, and if you kill an attacking animal then will your life will be saved by a stranger.

Search for "Gorilla"
Seeing a gorilla in your dream, suggests that you may be too "over the top" in your behavior. Perhaps you are compensating for your rigidity and stiffness in your waking life. Alternatively, the gorilla symbolizes your primitive impulses, wild nature and repressed sexual energy.

Search for "Ape"
An Ape is a reference to your instincts and basic impulses. It can be of a sexual nature. On a different level it might be linked to a disappointing, treachourous and tricky relationship.

Search for "Monkey"
Seeing a monkey in your dream, symbolizes deceit people are working to advance their own interest. Monkeys also symbolize a playful and mischievous side of your own personality or an immature attitude. Seeing a monkey hanging or swinging from a tree indicates that you be troubled by young ones. Dreaming that you are feeding a monkey indicates that you are betrayed by someone whom you thought cared about your interests.

so if u dun hear from me for the next few weeks or so, it could possibly mean im not in a very good condition to blog..